Janet's Jargon

Fun lifestyles, charitable acts, great fiction, author support, Patrick and Grace Mysteries, Keith clan trilogy,

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Fantasies Fulfilled

Have you ever dreamed of seeing your name in lights on Broadway, or of making the front page of the New York Times, or having Hugh Heffner call you to ask you to be a Playboy bunny?

I am a member of quite a few egroups, most of them related in one way or another to writing. One of those groups is The Writer's Life, founded by Dorothy Thompson. The other day Dorothy found a software program that allowed her to bring all of the members' dreams to reality. You can see the results on the webpage she has created at http://www.dorothythompson.net/Writersville.html
It reminds me of an incident the other day when I was watching BookSpan on TV. There was a fellow on, talking about some political book he had weritten. He was a US Congressman from Georgia. Ho, hum. Bo-ring! Until--and my ears perked up--he said "I graduated from high school in Deer River, Minnesota, in 1960." Wow! That's the same high school I graduated from--and even the same year! I waited until his name showed up again on the screen: John Linder. I remembered John Linder! I knew John Linder! We both made the National Honor Society the same year. We used to talk in the hall when he was a hall monitor and I collected the attendance sheets from the various classrooms and took them back to the office. I hurried to the cedar chest to get my yearbook. Sure enough, there he was! He was (like me) a little chunkier, a little (OK--a lot) older, and we both have a bit less hair. I laughed when I looked at the "Hall of Fame." John Linder was on there. For what? He was voted "Most likely to succeed." Well, I guess they were pretty much right on the money.

As I reflected on John Linder's success--and my own--I thought of the old song, "If They Could See Me Now." I imagine most of you know it, but just in case you don't, the words are at the bottom of this blog.

OK, so I'm still not rich. I'm getting "famouser" by the day. And as I sit here and think about what Dorothy has done to me, I have to wonder if she has really made my dream come true, or is this Ivan's (my "other half") fantasy?

If They Could See Me Now

Tonight at eight you shoulda seen
A chauffeur pull up in a rented limousine!
My neighbors burned! They like to die!
When I tell them who is gettin' in and goin' out is I!
If they could see me now,
That little gang of mine,
I'm eating fancy chow
And drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract.
All I can say is "Wow-ee!
Looka where I am.
Tonight I landed, pow!
Right in a pot of jam.
What a set up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now!
If they could see me now,
My little dusty group,
Traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop.
I'd hear those thrift shop cats say:
"Brother, get her!
Draped on a bed spread made from three kinds of fur."
All I can say is, "Wow!
Wait till the riff an' raff
See just exactly how
He sign this autograph."
What a build up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now!
If they could see me now
Alone with Mister V.,
Who's waiting on me like he was a maƮtre d'
I'd hear my buddies saying:
"Crazy, what gives?
Tonight she's living like
The other half lives!"
To think the highest brow,
Which I must say is he,
Should pick the lowest brow,
Which there's no doubt is me!
What a step up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now!
What a step up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it...
They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The famous, the infamous--and S-E-X!

I have two guestbooks at my website (http://www.janetelainesmith.com). Why? I had one that I put on a "back page," since I discovered that if someone made an entry that I didn't want on there, I had no way to remove the entry. I figured nobody could find it. I later added a second one, that is on the home page. That one I can edit. Both of these guestbooks send me a notification e-mail when someone signs them.

The funny thing of it is, there are way more people who sign the "hidden" one than the one that is upfront and obvious. Now people have to really hunt to stumble across this guestbook. When I get the notification, I can click through and it goes directly to the guestbook. One day, out of curiosity, I went over there to see if I could find it on my own. It took me over 20 minutes, and that was without reading anything on any of the pages.

Now this is the part I don't understand. A lot of the people who sign that guestbook sign it from their work addresses. I wonder if their bosses know that they are spending who-knows-how-much time having fun at "my place" instead of working. Mind you, I'm not complaining. And for some reason, many of these people are either (a)Viagra salespeople, (b)people running porn sites, (c)insurance salespeople, or (d)used car salespeople. I don't understand why my website attracts this kind of a crowd. I don't write erotica. I hardly have S-E-X in my books, and when I do, it is usually between a married couple (as in House Call to the Past) or very discreet. It is certainly not graphic and explicit.

Sometimes, when I get a notification of a new signature, I go look to see who it is. Other times I just ignore them. Tonight was one of those nights when I decided to go peek at it. Well, guess what I found? THIS!

7 08.01.2006, at 09:39:31
Fullname: Paris Hilton
Email: nosasdsasdsa@saddsadh.com
Where are your from?: Paris Hilton
Homepage name: Paris Hilton
Homepage URL: http://paris-hilton.frix.be/
How good do you think this site is:
Comments: I am Paris Hilton! I like this site! Thanks! Paris Hilton

I have to ask, "Will the real Paris Hilton please stand up?" Well, I do know Mary Higgins Clark and her daughter Carol, I have brushed virtual arms with John Grisham, I know Bertrice Small (my books sit next to hers on the bookstore shelves, too!) and am acquainted with the likes of Deb Stover and Millie Criswell. I've met some unbelievably famous people. I spent an afternoon with Ike and Mamie Eisenhower at their Gettysburg farm many years ago. I once attended a presidential banquet in Venezuela. I have spoken with more than one Venezuelan ambassadors. I have sat on Hubert Humphrey's lap. (I was in 6th grade, and my parents were horrified. Why? Because he was a Democrat! Oh, horrors!)

So, maybe this IS the real Paris Hilton. In the meantime, it's fun to wonder "what if..."

And if you want some fun, head on over to my website and see if you can find the "hidden" guestbook!

Make it a great day, friends.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


It has only been a few days since I posted here about my experience, brief as it was, with psychiatrists, and I invited any of them who would like to have a copy of my Sampler to contact me. I further suggested that they print it off and put copies of it in their waiting rooms for their patients to read.

Well, I'm having fun with my non-resident shrinks. Twenty of them have asked for my Sampler. Four of them have written back to me. One of them said he printed it off, but since he was off for the New Year's holiday, his wife got ahold of it. He asked her about it, and she said, "Yes, I have read the first three, and I ordered all three of them from amazon." He then asked if I intended to help him pay his credit card bill if she ended up ordering all of them.

The second one e-mailed me late this afternoon. He said three of his patients came into the office for their sessions laughing, which was most unusual. When he asked them about it, all three of them said they had been reading the things the receptionist was handing out for them to read while they waited. He said, "You are making my job much easier, but I hope I don't work myself out of a practice."

The other two were just polite "thank you's" and telling me that they planned to take them to the office.

And then I had an e-mail from a woman who was a patient of one of the psychiatrists who had taken it into the office. She wrote, "Our session went very well, and he told me he thought I would be OK for two weeks. I always have a session with him every week. I argued with him, and told him I wanted to see him tomorrow again. He said I seemed to be much better, and it wasn't necessary. I asked him how I was going to read the rest of that book he gave me if I had to wait two whole weeks. He gave me your e-mail address and said you would send me a copy of my own Sampler. Will you, please?"

Yup, I'm definitely having fun with my shrinks. I'm not about to ask them if they think I have any "issues" I need to deal with, though!