Janet's Jargon

Fun lifestyles, charitable acts, great fiction, author support, Patrick and Grace Mysteries, Keith clan trilogy,

Friday, August 05, 2011

It's the simple things in life

The question I am asked most often, about my books, is "Where do you get your ideas?" The answer is simple: from watching life and people. For example, A Christmas Dream started with an episode at a McDonald's. Who hasn't been to a McDonald's? It began with a marriage proposal, then went on (in my imagination and onto the pages of the book) to the people who gave their lives through "friendly fire" in Desert Storm. (I have a difficult time defining "friendly fire" in my mind, just like I can't reconcile there being such a thing as a "Civil War.")

Anyway, yesterday I went with a friend, Wendy Werner, to do a little grocery shopping in Iron Mountain, Michigan, about 30 miles from where I live. Wendy and I both belong to the "Rain Dancers" group that meets once a month in Pembine. It is a group of widows. I really didn't want to join the group when they invited me, as it took me more than 2 years after Ivan died before I could even say that word: "widows." The same was true with the word "died." I have reconciled myself with them now. However, the group is very lively, and while we all share one common loss, that of our spouses, we dwell on the positive. It is anything but a "pity party," which was what I feared it would be.

So, after the meeting, we headed for WalMart. Another one of those oh-so-ordinary places to spend a bit of time. I only had a few things to pick up, while she had a pretty long list, so I told her to take her time and I would wait for her on a bench at the front of the store.

As I sat there, a man, I would guess somewhere between 45-50 years old, came in. He was having a difficult time walking, so I was not surprised when he went over to one of the electric shopping carts. He sat on it, then greeted me. I made some comment about how nice it was to have the electric carts when you needed them, and he agreed. Then he drove off, but in about 5 minutes he was back. He backed the cart in beside me and we began to talk. I learned that he was a disabled Vet from Desert Storm. That led to my telling him about my good friend whom I have "met" through the Internet. He is also a disabled Vet, and about the same age, but from the Persian Gulf War, who lives in Oklahoma.

What a blessing it is to accumulate the wonderful friends we can find through a machine! Imagine what our ancestors would have thought of what we can do online. It would be as far-fetched to them as it was for kids in my era to read comic books about men on the moon. But we have lived to see it.

My friend in Oklahoma is Dr. Aubrey Love. Yes, that is his real name. (That's him pictured above.) When I told the man in Iron Mountain about him, he laughed. "Nobody has ever accused me of being a doctor of love," he joked. Then he reached into the basket on the cart and took out the two Snickers candy bars he had purchased. They were not in a bag, but he had the receipt for them in his hand in case anybody questioned him about them. He held one of them out to me and said, "You look like a person who would like to snicker sometimes," he said. I thanked him but declined, telling him that if I hadn't just eaten lunch I might have had a different answer for him. I didn't pay any attention to what he did with them, but when I got home, there was the Snickers bar in one of my bags of groceries.

I have e-mailed with Aubrey a few times today, as we usually do. When we were discussing which war he was in, he responded with not just the name of the war, but he said this: "It's like serving in 'black flag ops'; you were never there and it never happened, but the memories haunt you so and the scars are just as ugly."

I don't know for sure, but I would not be surprised at all if at least some of his injuries didn't come from that "friendly fire." At any rate, when you see a person of interest, take a few minutes to share a happy thought or two with them. You never know, it might just be the day-brightener they needed, or it might turn out to be a sweet experience for you too, with or without the Snickers bar.

Guess next time I send you a care package, Aubrey, I should include a Snickers bar in it!

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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Boyfriend 9.0 upgrade to Husband 1.0

Sometimes one thing sparks another idea. I have a lot of wonderful online friends, some of them fellow writers, some readers, and some "just plain folks." One of those people is a fellow by the name of Aubrey Love. He lives "down south"--in Oklahoma. He is a disabled retired Vet. (That's a Veteran, not a veterinarian, although he has a bona fide "Doctor" attached to his name.) Now I ask you, how could anybody not be intrigued and more than a little bit curious about somebody who calls himself "Dr. Love." I thought at first that it was a pen name, but nope, it's as real as he is.

Anyway, recently somebody forwarded me a sort of cute take-off on a piece of software. Since Dr. Love is a computer engineer by both education and practice, he picked up on it immediately and we set out to have a little bit of fun. Here is the end result of our "playing" with the correspondence between a software user of our version of the program, with me being the customer and Dr. Love being the Tech Support guy. I hope you have as much fun reading it as we had writing it.

Letter to Tech Support




Dear Tech Support;

I recently upgraded from boyfriend 9.0 to husband 1.0 and found it to be absolutely perfect. Thank you and your team for such a wonderful product.



I am glad you found the upgrade satisfactory. If you encounter any problems, feel free to contact us again.

Tech Support



Dear Tech Support:

Is there any way to incorporate some of the elements of Boyfriend 9.0 into Husband 1.0? The earlier version allowed wining and dining, and the new version seems to utilize whining and leaving dirty dishes in the sink.



Dear Customer;

This is a common problem during first use of husband 1.0. There is nothing wrong with husband 1.0 you just need to re-read the “wife 1.0 users manual”. It explains how to utilize the additional feature - cooking at home 3.1.

Playing with husband 1.0 on a daily basis improves performance and initiates diamonds 5.0.



Dear Tech Support:

Three weeks have passed and I have still not been able to read the Wife 1.0 Users’ Manual. It looks completely foreign to me. I finally called the 800 number given in the manual, and I think the fellow I reached was in India. I could not understand him either. Would you please send me a translator? Oh, and it would help if he had a happy disposition and knew how to wash dishes. Thank you in advance.



Dear Customer;

It's never a good idea to install a translator, you would be better off upgrading to husband 2.0. Warning- you will need to install lawyer 87.5 to upgrade from husband 1.0 to 2.0. Please do not install boyfriend 9.0 while using husband 1.0 or 2.0. This will cause husband 1.0 to lock up.

Of course you should try again to read the “wife 1.0 users manual” for best results. If you still have trouble understanding any part of the manual refer to husband 1.0 who is all knowing and wise.



Dear Tech Support:

I do not want to INSTALL a translator. I want you to SEND ME a translator. Apparently you do not speak English any better than the man I spoke to on the phone. If I send you my husband, will you please try to program him so he matches what the manual says he is supposed to do????

Frustrated in Timbuktu



Dear Customer;

I am going to assume you are a blonde. I am going to do a remote upgrade to wife 2.0. Please stay online while I re-route husband 1.0 to wife 2.0. The other option would be to install secretary with short skirt 3.1to make husband 1.0 perform better. This option usually initiates guilt 4.5 which also initiates flowers 2.3 and diamonds 5.0.



Dear Tech Support:

I am no longer blonde. I no longer have ANY hair left. I have pulled it all out, thanks to frustration over all of your stupid products. I am enclosing the receipts for all versions of the Boyfriend, Husband, Wife and especially the Secretary with Short Skirt programs. Husband 1 ran off with Secretary with Short Skirt and I am left alone, with no boyfriend, no husband, and I am no longer a wife since Husband 1 filed for divorce. Please send me a complete refund, as you have ruined my entire life. I am also enclosing a receipt for the hairdresser’s services to convert me from a blonde to a redhead. It obviously didn’t make me any smarter or I would have dumped Husband 1 before he dumped me!



Dear Customer;

We regret any problems you may have had with husband 1.0 and will begin processing your refund. Please allow 6 to 8 months for processing minus 60% restocking fee. If you prefer we can substitute husband 1.0 with “significant other 4.3”. Please log-on to our website http://www.spousesoftware.com/ to start processing your refund or download significant other 4.3.

Thank you from the tech support team.

For more about Dr. Love, please go to his website

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